


Hurt Me, Just Like I Hurt You

by rudesunyoung



Series: Watch Me, Watch Us [5]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slice of Life, Youtube AU, vlogger jennie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 20:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16070321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudesunyoung/pseuds/rudesunyoung
Summary: When Lisa is given the opportunity to shoot Haruki Murakami for the cover of The New Yorker in Tokyo, she immediately signs on for the job. The only problem is the assignment is five days long, five days in a foreign country unbeknownst to Jennie who is stuck in Seattle with their six-month-old daughter.





	Hurt Me, Just Like I Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> every now and then I'll have a few fics that deals with them away from the camera.

_“Oh my god,”_ Lisa whispers in awe. Her hand hovers over the mouse, her fingers twitching as she scrolls back up to the beginning of the email. 

She rubs her eyes underneath her glasses and takes a deep breath before she reads it over again.

>   
>  From: Simon Walker  
>  To: Lalisa Manoban  
>  Subject: Murakami-New Yorker Spread
> 
> Good morning from Japan Ms. Manoban, 
> 
> My name is Simon Walker and I am Mr. Murakami’s international manager in the States. Currently, I am in Japan with Mr. Murakami and his team as we gear up for the promotions for his new novel, Killing Commendatore, due out this fall. One of Mr. Murakami’s favorite publications, The New Yorker, reached out to us for a special issue in Japan and we would be delighted if you would be in charge of the photography for this shoot. Mr. Murakami has seen a variety of your work and the various installations that you have had a hand in and he appreciates the way you are able to express yourself and your objects in real life. He hopes that you will not only exhibit that same detail and intimacy about his writing but also in bringing Japan to New York. 
> 
> The shoot is scheduled to begin on March 9th and will last for five days. Your flight is scheduled for noon on March 8 if you choose to accept this opportunity and will return on March 13th. We hope to hear from you soon in order to arrange any other details and look forward to having you join us in Japan. 
> 
> Well wishes, Simon Walker  
> 

Lisa lets out a small noise, unable to stop herself from smiling widely as she leans back in her chair, lifting her arms in the air with a deep breath.

“Wow,” she breathes. “Okay, okay. This is really happening. This is really happening right now.”

She takes a few minutes to just pinch herself to make sure she’s not dreaming before she begins typing a reply to the email to give her thanks and accept the position. The fact that Murakami even knows her name, let alone her work, is enough to have her fingers steadily shake as she attempts to type out a professional response. For a while, Lisa had only done shots for fashion magazines as she tried to gain her footing in photography, bouncing off of different topics and ideas, and branching off into film for a little bit before she focused on still lifes, travel, and abstracts. 

Her dabbles in physical installations had only started recently, mostly as an offhand way to display her own life. It was mainly comprised of portraits of different moments in a day, all about Jennie like her back when she slept, her smile when she was told something funny, her hair when it had fallen out a little while after her pregnancy, or the way her ears always turned red after sex. If anyone knew anything about Lisa’s work they knew that she only had one muse, Jennie. 

After sending the email, Lisa wrote down the dates on the calendar taped on the wall above her desk and immediately went to find her wife to tell her the news. 

“Babe,” she said walking into the kitchen. When she didn’t find Jennie in there, she went through the hall, bypassing the living room where Netflix was on, the show paused in what looked like the middle of a conversation. 

“Baby, where are you at?” 

Lisa quietly opened the door to their daughter’s room where the curtains were drawn and the only light came from the mobile above the crib that consisted of glow in the dark cows. Hanna was fast asleep, already down for her nap, as she watched her tiny chest move up and down slowly, following the rhythm of the fan above her. 

Lisa shut the door, careful not to wake her up, and walked down the lift into the laundry room that was connected to the other side of the kitchen. As she slid the sliding door open, she peeked in, seeing Jennie hang clothes onto the rack, mostly Hanna’s clothes that were covered in the food that she managed to decorate her shirts with. 

“Oh!” Lisa smiled. “There you are, I was looking for you. Come here, I want to tell you something,” she smiled waving her over. 

“What is it? It can’t wait? I’m almost done here,” she said, hanging up a striped t-shirt that Lisa had been looking for the past week. 

“No, no, no it can’t wait. I have to tell you this now,” she stressed and shook her shoulders impatiently. “Please come here, hurry,” she whined. 

“Okay, okay,” Jennie snorted and abandoned the rest of the clothes in the hamper to make her way out of the room, laughing as Lisa grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hallway. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lisa shook her head and smiled as she took a hold of Jennie’s hands and laced their fingers together. 

Jennie raised an eyebrow at her, unsure of what could have Lisa so excited. Her eyes were wide and bright and she was almost bouncing if it wasn’t for the tight hold that they had of each other’s hands. Usually, when Hanna was put down for a nap, Lisa always wanted to fool around or play on the Wii but last time they had decided to battle each other on tennis, Lisa had thrown the remote straight at the TV, cracking the screen and effectively ending any futures matches. So it couldn’t have been for a video game, so Jennie logically reasoned that it was most likely the former and just as she was about to suggest a quick makeout session, Lisa opened her mouth, interrupting her. 

“I got it!” she beamed.

“Got...what...?” Jennie asked confused. 

“Remember?” Lisa said squeezing her hand. “That special issue for The New Yorker that was going to be shot in Japan? The one with Haruki Murakami? The one that I wouldn’t shut up about for like two weeks?”

“You got _that?!_ ” Jennie choked. Her eyes widened as Lisa’s smile only blossomed, threatening to take over her entire face as she nodded her head excitedly and laughed. 

“I’m just as shocked as you! I just got the email and read over it. The shoot starts on the 9th and Murakami personally selected _me_. ME. Lalisa Manoban!”

“Holy shit!” Jennie shouted, unable to contain her excitement as she started jumping up and down, laughing with Lisa as she joined along - both of them screaming for joy in the middle of the hallway. 

Lisa hauled her wife up, grabbing her around the waist until Jennie was able to lock her legs around her with her fingers interlacing themselves on the back of her neck. The younger girl looked so happy that Jennie couldn’t help leaning down to press a kiss against her lips, feeling her own smile widen as Lisa tightened her hold on her. 

“Congratulations,” she whispered. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Th-Thank you,” she stuttered, breathing in between the small amount space that they were separated. 

“I feel like-” she said licking her lips. “I feel like I’m dreaming. Like out of all the people, out of all the different photographers, out of anyone that he could have picked. He chose _me_ ,” she shook her head in disbelief. 

“He chose me.”

Jennie moved her hands to cup Lisa’s face, forcing her to look up at her so she could see her own smile, so she could see how proud she was of her, so she could know that it was valid; all of her work and all of her talent; that not only did Jennie see it but so did everyone else. 

“Of course he chose you,” Jennie murmured. “He saw what I’ve always seen.”

 

\---

“So my itinerary says that I’m supposed to be leaving Seattle-Tacoma International Airport at 12:30 pm and then I have a connection flight in Taiwan...before I reach Tokyo the next day…” Lisa mumbles scrolling down her phone.

“Fuck, it’s a 26-hour flight,” she groans and falls backward onto the bed with her phone in her hand. 

“Wait, so how long is this shoot? You’re only going for like a day or two, right?” 

“No...I think it’s for five days, actually” Lisa lifts her phone back up, scrolling through the email until she sees the return date on her ticket. “Yeah, babe it’s five days.”

When she doesn’t hear a response, Lisa looks upside down, noting how Jennie frowns down at her lap before she’s rolling over onto her front and sitting up. 

“Babe, did you hear me? The trip is five days.”

“No, no, I heard you,” she sighs and wrung her fingers before facing the younger girl. “I just- five days, though? That’s really long for you to be away from me and for Hanna, you know?”

“I know,” she bites her lip. “I mean, I didn’t know that the assignment was for five days either until I read the email so...I’m just as surprised as you.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you know that I’m happy for you and I’m so damn proud that people are recognizing your talent but five days in Japan is kind of a stretch, don’t you think?” 

Lisa paused, not really sure how she should respond to that. I mean on one hand, _yes_ going to Japan while Jennie and Hanna were in Seattle would be a problem- considering Hanna was still a baby but at the same time, this assignment was a once in a lifetime opportunity considering people didn’t just get an email from Murakami’s manager every day to fly to Tokyo. 

“I can’t change the dates though, Nini.” Lisa said. 

“I know,” Jennie said and turned around so she could be seated all the way on the bed. “It’s just- Hanna is a handful even when you’re here and you’ve been going back and forth to Tacoma for your art installation a lot these past two months. I guess I just didn’t think you’d be going so far so soon and for such a long period of time.”

Lisa watches the way Jennie looks down at her lap, biting her bottom lip in worry as she traces imaginary patterns on the comforter. The silence that stretches between them is awkward, with Lisa unable to wrap her head around what it is that Jennie is trying to say and the older girl, unsure of how to phrase what’s on her mind. 

Lisa finally speaks up after watching Jennie’s index finger trace circles in the same pattern for the tenth time, saying, “you said you were fine with me going to Tacoma, though.”

“ _I was_ \- I mean I knew that your installation was important to you and you had been waiting for a while to get a spot in the museum so I didn’t say anything. But the constant back and forth on top of you barely being here to help with Hanna or just be with your daughter and me wasn’t really all that great.” 

“I mean, I didn't know. You never said anything, Jen. How was I supposed to know that you were feeling this way every time I went to Tacoma?” 

“Do I really have to spell it out to you, Lisa?” Jennie frowned suddenly becoming defensive. “How could I possibly tell you that for days Hanna had trouble going to sleep because she was running a fever? Or how could I tell you how exhausting it was to feed her only for her to spit it up and be stuck with making enough bottles every day just so she would eat? It's hard doing that and taking care of the house without you here. I can't tell you all of this over the phone because I barely had time to speak with you when you started on that installation,” she sighed.

“Are you seriously telling me all of this right _now?_ Like you just said you couldn't tell me anything, how in the world was I supposed to know? I had to do that installation and you know I tried so hard to come back home and make it back to help you.” 

Jennie tried but she couldn't stop herself from laughing dryly. It was laughable that Lisa was so clueless about everything. It would have been downright hilarious if Jennie wasn't so irritated. But the harder she thought about it, the more upset it made her because it felt like Lisa couldn't understand what she was trying to say. That it was hard taking care of Hanna alone, that it was hard without any help, that it was too much to do everything on her own, all day, every day and that Lisa leaving to Japan for five days scared the shit out of her. 

“I just...I don't want to fight or anything about this but just think about it. I mean, you're talking about out of the country...what if something happens or I need you?” 

Lisa hesitated, tonguing the inside of her cheek as she shook her head. “I can't think about anything though.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I _mean_ -” Lisa sighed, “that I can't think about anything because I've already accepted the position.” 

_“WHAT?!”_ Jennie stood up so fast that Lisa startled, immediately snapping her head up to look at her but her expression was unreadable.

 _“You accepted the position?! When?!_ You just told me this. Why didn't you at least talk this over with me before accepting anything?!” 

“I didn't think there would be anything to talk about. You were just screaming and jumping up and down with me like fifteen minutes ago!” 

“That was before I knew that you were being sent to Japan for five days and so soon too!” 

“What? So now you're mad at _me?!”_

“Yes, Lisa!” Jennie stressed. “Why would you think that it would just be okay? Because I don't say anything whenever you go somewhere else? At least it's not fucking Japan!” 

“This is my job!” Lisa said raising her voice as she stood up to face Jennie. “I _need_ to do this. This is a really huge assignment for me and it could bring a lot of exposure to my work and help with future projects. I have to do this.” 

“I know that this is important,” Jennie said, stepping closer to tug on the front of her t-shirt. “Believe me, I know. But five days is nearly a week, that's the longest that you've ever been completely gone. I need someone to help me feed Hanna, to get her ready for bed, to make sure that she's okay when I need to take care of myself and the house. I just don't think it's a good idea,” she said softly looking into Lisa's eyes.

Lisa pressed the heel of her hands into her eyes, trying to rework everything that Jennie had said to her on top of trying to rationalize how she would be able to cut a trip like that so short. When she pulled her hands away, she was more confused than ever and that only made Jennie even more anxious as she tugged on her shirt again.

 _“Please?_ If you could just maybe see if you can reschedule the shoot or maybe even...have someone else could take your place…?” She mumbled. “I just-I just I'm really nervous to be here alone with Hanna while you're all the way in Japan. I need your help,” she stressed.

“I know, I know,” Lisa frowned scratching the back of her neck. “But baby, maybe I can arrange to have someone come over and help you...like a nanny or something, okay? I could get someone to take care of Hanna with you while I'm away and it would be okay, right?”

“No Lisa, it wouldn't.” 

Jennie took a step back and balled her fist in the front of her shirt. She just wasn't getting _it_ and it was making her so frustrated. She rubbed her temples, trying to keep herself from getting a headache because it would only worsen if Hanna was to wake up and start crying again.

“Listen, March 9th is three days away. I don't want some stranger in here helping me out, who I don't even know taking care of Hanna. I want _you_ here, Lisa, _you_. Hanna is your daughter too.”

“Don't you think I know that?” Lisa frowned. “But you know that this is really important to me. This could be important for both of us! More exposure, more money, more opportunities, I need to do this!” 

“Everything is always about what you want to do!” Jennie said raising her voice. “What about what _I_ need for you to do?!” 

“I'm with Hanna every day, twenty-four seven! I'm tired too. It's exhausting taking care of your kid with no help from you because you're more focused on your shoots and working on installations! I'm not just some baby machine that cooks and cleans and takes care of your kid all day! I need help!” 

“You were the one that suggested taking a break from modeling so you could raise Hanna!” Lisa pointing a finger at her. “Without you working, how do you think everything gets done around here?”

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Jennie scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh fuck off,” Lisa scoffs, turning around before she faced Jennie again. “I bust my ass every day so all of us can continue living here and eating on a daily basis and what about you, huh?”

As soon as Lisa said that, she immediately regretted it. Jennie had recoiled from her as if she had been slapped, staring at her with a hard look in her eyes that Lisa had never seen before. The younger girl squeezed her eyes shut, inwardly slapping herself for saying something so careless like that but when she opened her eyes, Jennie had turned her back on her. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean that I-”

“Is taking care of your daughter not a job, huh?”

“No!” Lisa shook her head. “No, no, no I don’t know why I said that but listen-”

“I’m stuck in this house every day taking care of Hanna and making sure she’s okay. I _never_ ask you for anything, ANYTHING but the one time I tell you to please just reconsider this assignment, you throw it in my face!”

“Jennie, no-”

“Just go,” she shook her head. “You’re absolutely right, how inconsiderate of me to ask you to skip this assignment when our entire lives depend on your job. I should know that since you’re the one making the money, that you get to make the decisions around here. How stupid of me!” she shook her head.

“Jennie, stop!” Lisa said grabbing her wrist only for the older girl to snatch her hand away and push her away. 

“Leave! That’s what you want to do right?! Just go to Japan already!”

“Jennie-” she said trying to grab her arms. “Will you just listen to me?! I’m trying to-”

“Are you going to go?!”

“I’m trying to-”

“Are you going to go?! Just tell me right now! Tell me!”

She was panting, her eyes red as they filled with tears and Lisa hated this. She hated that it had come to this, that Jennie had felt this way for God knows how long and hadn’t told her- no, no, that she hadn’t seen it herself. She hesitated to answer her, her mouth opening but nothing coming out. It shouldn’t have been this hard to say answer her, it shouldn’t have been this hard to tell Jennie what she wanted to hear, but it was and somehow she couldn’t bring herself to tell her that. 

“I-I-I can’t,” she said shaking her head. “I can’t pass this opportunity up, I have to do this, please. I promise you that when I get back we can-”

Jennie scoffed, shaking her head and when a tear slipped down her cheek, Lisa stepped toward her only for Jennie to run into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. 

The sound vibrated through the apartment, rattling the frame of the door and causing Hanna to let out a piercing cry.

 

\---

Jennie rubbed her eyes, staring down at Hanna as she laid on her front on the middle of the rug chewing on her fist. When Jennie checked her phone, it was 10:30, she stared a little bit longer at her lock screen before it shut off as she heard noise coming from their bedroom.

Lisa stumbled out of the bedroom a minute later, pulling a suitcase behind her with a duffel bag over her shoulder. She was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a beanie over her head. Hanna made a noise upon seeing her, kicking her legs excitedly as Lisa bent down to kiss the top of her head murmuring a soft, _love you._

Jennie busied herself with her fingers, thumbing the end of her shirt as Lisa moved to stand in front her. “Jennie.”

The older girl thought she was being dramatic but they hadn't talked to each other in three days and just hearing her say her name made her stomach flip. She bit her bottom lip hard, trying to not look up as the younger girl reached out her hand, probably to touch her before she curled it into a fist and pulled back. 

“I’ll-I’ll be back soon. I love you.” She whispered and she said it so quietly that it made it seem like she was hesitant to say it as if it was something she wasn't supposed to say.

When she bent down, Jennie turned her head away forcing herself not to cry when her kiss landed on her cheek. She felt her breath go short against her skin and the smell of her body wash.

“I'm sorry,” Lisa breathed and when she walked away, pulling the door open as light flooded the apartment, Jennie thought of all the things she had wanted to tell Lisa. She couldn't get their fight out of her head and all she wanted to do was run up to the girl and shake some sense into her- but when the door shut behind Lisa, all she wanted to do was scream.

Jennie squeezed her eyes shut, pressing the heel of her hands against her eyes as she started to cry.

 

\---

“What a dick,” Jisoo muttered.

Jinyoung, who was sitting at the table feeding their daughter, Sooyul, dropped the spoon full of applesauce, getting food all over the counter and the front of her shirt. 

Jisoo looked over her shoulder briefly, muttering a soft, _sorry,_ before she turned back around and frowned. “Again, as I said, what a dick!” she hissed. 

“Unnie,” Jennie frowned, glancing down at her lap as Hanna slept in her arms. She swept her long black hair behind her ears and sighed, “don't call her that.”

“Please,” Jisoo scoffed. “She's lucky I don't get on the phone right now to give her a piece of my mind. Seriously, what the hell?” She grumbled. 

Jennie leaned back until she could rest her head against the couch and sighed loudly, turning so she could stare at Jisoo. “Can I stay here until she gets back? I don’t want to go home- I mean, like if it’s okay with you guys? It’s just tha-”

“Shut up,” Jisoo frowned and pulled her legs up on the couch. “You can stay as long as you want. Matter-of-fact, when she comes back don’t even go home, we’ll bring your stuff over and make it look like you moved out. Bet that would kill her,” Jisoo snickered. 

“You’re such a bitch,” Jennie whispered, smiling slightly. “I just, I don’t know. I need to think- I just- I guess I didn’t think she would have just left, you know?”

Jisoo rested her cheek on her palm as Jennie shook her head, looking down as Hanna took small breaths. 

“I was mad, yes and about the fight but watching her actually leave after everything I said- after not talking at all last night. I think that’s what hurt the most- what I can’t get out of my head.”

Jennie had sat in the same spot after Lisa left, unmoving, just waiting for Lisa to change her mind and come back through the door and tell her that she was sorry. To tell her that she would reschedule- that Jennie’s feelings mattered and that she would be there for her- for both of them. But she hadn’t.  
For ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes, until nearly an hour had passed and Jennie knew that she wasn’t going to come back.  
Jennie had thought about calling her- she had thought about just telling her one more time everything that she had told her three days ago to remind her. She wanted to hear her- to know whether or not Lisa had been regretful for leaving but her anger had won out. 

She had packed a bag for Hanna, taking everything that she would need and left the apartment almost immediately.

“I told her that I needed her and all she said was, _‘I have to go,’_ who says that?”

“Someone that doesn’t want to be married anymore as far as I’m concerned,” Jisoo snorted. 

Jennie shot her best friend a glare and the older girl shrugged, unbothered by it. “What? I’m just saying.”

Jennie sighed again, something that she had been doing constantly and yawned into her fist as she adjusted Hanna in her arms. She could feel a headache coming on right between her eyebrows and she looked up at Jisoo, who was already staring at her. "You don't- you don't think I overreacted or anything right? About her going to Japan and everything?"

"No," Jisoo frowned. "I would have been mad too. You have every right to be upset that most of the parenting has fallen on to your shoulders. Job or no job, Lisa was way out of line and as I said earlier," she hummed waving her hand, "she's a dick."

Jennie rolled her eyes and leaned back on the couch, adjusting Hanna slightly. "I think I'm just nervous," she whispered. 

"Nervous about what?"

"This is our first major fight," Jennie said glancing at her. "I don't know- it just- I mean where do we go after she comes back from Japan? How can I even trust her after this? How do I know this was even the right thing for us to do? Did we rush into having a b-" 

"Hey, hey, hey," Jisoo interrupted her, scooting closer on the couch. "Don't even ask questions like that. Are you serious right now? Don't start second-guessing that, you know better," Jisoo frowned. 

Jennie shook her head, looking down at Hanna, at her hands curled up against her face and felt her eyes begin to water. "I know," she murmured. "I know, you're right. I'm sorry," she sniffled. 

"Don't apologize," Jisoo said and put her arm around her to pull her close. Jennie pushed her face into her chest as the older girl stroked her hair, her fingers carding through the strands as she took a deep breath. "I'm not saying that what she did wasn't wrong but I am saying that this is one fight. You're gonna have more in the future but that doesn't mean you just throw everything away. You don't give up on a relationship like yours. I know the both of you are crazy about each other and it hurts, I know it hurts like hell but Lisa is smart, she'll fix this. You don't always have to."

"What if she doesn't?" Jennie whispers. She looks up at Jisoo and the older girl sighs. "What if she doesn't even know how to?"

Jisoo rubs her shoulder, staring ahead as she takes a deep breath. 

"Then she doesn't really deserve you, right?"

 

\---

Lisa stares at her cell phone, her bags beside her on the chair and the cup of coffee that she bought on the way to the airport, now cold as she sets it down on the floor.

She turns her iPhone around again, her lock screen showing a picture of Jennie and Hanna both sleeping, their heads inclined toward each other. She turns her iPhone back over and closes her eyes as she leans back against the chair.  
Every time she closes her eyes all she sees is the way Jennie had looked sitting on the couch, refusing to make eye contact with her. She can’t get her words out of her head either. At the hurtful things that she had said- at the way, Jennie had looked so upset- because of her, because of her words. 

“I need this though,” she muttered. 

Assignments like this didn’t just come by your email on accident. Even Mr. Walker had mentioned that Murakami had been following Lisa’s work for some time now, so it wasn’t that he had just randomly chosen her. No, it was because he had been watching, watching her work more specifically and had seen potential there.  
Potential that Lisa had desperately been waiting for someone to recognize since she started photography. 

She grabbed her phone again, pulling up her email and going back to the message that Simon Walker had sent her.

All she had to do was show up and do a few shots. That’s all she had to do. Besides she would phone Jisoo and tell her to keep an eye on Jennie and then she would be on her way back to Seattle.

Jennie would understand. Once everything was done, they could sit down and talk about it like adults. 

_Flight 345 Seattle, WA to Tokyo, JPN  
Calling all First Class Passengers to begin boarding_

Lisa looked up at the sound of the intercom and the line of people that had started to gather at the boarding gate. She took a deep breath, quickly pocketing her phone and grabbing her things before she walked over as well.

 

\---

When Jennie woke up, the first thing she noticed was how quiet it was. She was on a bed, not hers, of course, this was much bigger and the sheets were beige instead of navy. As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, different things started to take shape, like the photos of a different family on the wall, of a rack of clothing on the far side of the room, and a chair nestled in the corner with a magazine open across the cushion. She laid on top of the blankets, turning to stare up at the ceiling for two full minutes before quickly looking over the edge of the bed and seeing the empty bassinet.

The curtains were drawn, so it was hard to see anything in the room, let alone make out what time it was and how long she had slept for. She sighed, quickly getting up and crossing over to the other side of the room as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Jisoo?” she called upon opening the door. 

The door to Sooyul’s room was slightly ajar but as she glanced inside, she saw no one inside either. As she stepped down the lift that leads into the living room, she could hear someone moving around in the kitchen and she yawned into her elbow before turning the corner. 

There were toys spread out on the tiled floor and she nudged a soft elephant out of the way, muttering, “yah, you didn’t hear me calling you unnie?”

Lisa stared back at her, two water bottles clutched to her chest in the same outfit that she had left in this morning for her flight. For what felt like the longest minute in her life, Jennie could only stare back, partially in bewilderment and partially in shock. Her hand dropped to her side and she blinked multiple times to make sure that she wasn’t really dreaming but that Lisa was really standing here in Jisoo’s kitchen in front of her. 

She didn’t know what to say. 

Her mouth opened and shut before opening and shutting again. Lisa didn’t say anything either, probably too nervous to speak. 

When she pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes, she thought that if maybe she went to lay back down, that if she took time to gather herself and calm down, that she would open her eyes and see Jisoo instead. When she did that, when she peeked through the gaps between her fingers, the younger girl was still there. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she whispered. 

She was nervous. Did it come out sounding that way? Because she really was confused as to why Lisa was standing here when she should have been in the air on the way to Tokyo. 

“Um,” Lisa frowned. “I-I- uh, I didn’t go.”

_Wait, what?_

“What?”

She glanced down at the floor, opening her mouth to speak but shutting it again as she shook her head. 

“I decided not to go.”

“That was important to you, though. More exposure, more money right?”

Lisa winced, her eyebrows furrowing as she took a second to nod, walking over to Jennie and offering her one of the water bottles. 

“I deserved that but here, drink this. Your throat gets dry every time you wake up.”

“I’m fine,” Jennie shook her head. “But you should go, maybe you can still make your flight. This is too important for you to pass up.” She turned around, walking out of the kitchen, maybe to find her phone and book a different flight, but Lisa grabbed her arm and even if she wanted to yank her arm away, her grip was too strong. 

“I don’t want to go to Japan.”

Jennie snorted and shook her arm until Lisa let her go. “You wanted to go this morning.”

“I know that,” the younger girl sighed. “I know everything that I said to you this morning and it was stupid of me, right?”

Her hand trailed down the length of her arm, grabbing a hold of Jennie’s fingers until she was able to lightly tug on her thumb. “Can I talk to you, please? If you still don’t want to talk then I’ll go home after and wait.”

Jennie wanted to tell her that she didn’t care what she did, that she didn’t care about anything anymore but that wouldn’t be the truth. Yes, Lisa was here but she was still incredibly upset at her, she was still mad at what she had told her and she was still angry about the fact that at that moment- Lisa had chosen her job over them- over their family. 

“What is there talk about?”

Lisa stepped around her, staring at her uneasily until she began pulling her wife toward the couch, taking a seat just as Jennie did but with some space between them. 

“I was excited and I was selfish. I wanted this more than anything but I couldn’t see how much you were suffering- I couldn’t see past my own wants to address your needs.” She messed with the end of her sweatshirt, pulling on the strings before sighing. 

“Everything that I said earlier was completely out of line and I’m sorry that I even told you any of that. I didn’t mean it, I swear to you that I didn’t mean it. All I do is shoot photos and make weird exhibitions of you,” she shook her head. “You take care of Hanna so well and do so much at home, that it really can’t be compared to anything else. If anyone is busting their ass, it’s you not me and I should have realized that. Not just kept on going and completely disregarding your feelings. If you want to go back to modeling I will cut my hours, I don’t know, but I’ll leave the museum and start doing tho-”

“It’s not about going back to modeling,” Jennie murmured. She rubbed her eyes and pulled her legs up onto the couch.

“I mean- modeling, it’ll always be there, you know? I like being with Hanna, I like taking care of her and being there for her if she needs me but she needs her other parent too. We started this with the idea that we would both be active in our kid’s life. You promised me that we would always do this together. When you went back to work, I was okay with it because it was sparingly and not as frequent or long term. But as she got older, you put yourself even deeper into your work and it became a struggle. I didn’t say anything because you were so happy, you were happy with your work and I didn’t want to mess that up.”

"I should have realized that. You shouldn't have had to say anything."

"You shouldn't have left either," Jennie whispered. "When you walked out, I swear to-" she paused mid-sentence, shaking her head with a scoff. "When you walked out, I felt so stupid. I felt like you didn't care, that nothing that I had said mattered to you. Do you know how that felt? Do you really know what it felt like watching you leave even after I told you everything?"

Jennie's eyes were watering as if she was going to cry and Lisa felt that she deserved it, that if Jennie cried right now and never forgave her, that it was because it was her fault.

"I was mad," Lisa said looking up at her. "I was mad at myself mostly and at what I said so I didn't know how to approach you about it. I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't ever do something like that again. Don't ever make me question what's more important to you, your job or your family?"

"You guys will always come first," Lisa said automatically and when Jennie leveled a look at her, she immediately shut up and stared back down at her lap. "I know it didn't look like that today."

"You promised me that we would be in this together. You _promised_ me that. How do I know that next time we get into a fight, we won't be in the same place that we're in right now?"

Lisa opened her mouth, curling her hands against the front of her pants before thinking of what she was going to say. "I think that we have to talk about it whenever something comes up, so we don't blow up. So we can sit down and calmly talk through things. I need to cut back on the projects that I take on and help you more around the apartment. I mean, as you said, photography will always be there. The same museums will always be there too. You won’t though and neither will Hanna’s little moments, right?” Lisa said looking at her.

“You make it sound like I’m leaving you right now,” Jennie chuckled messing with a loose thread on her jeans. 

“Are you?” Lisa frowned. “Honestly, I would if I were you.”

“Jisoo almost convinced me to,” Jennie smiled. “I think she went over to the house to pack my stuff.”

Lisa whined, scooting closer to take Jennie’s hand and hold it between both of her own. Her skin was warm to the touch and Jennie found herself staring at them and their wedding rings, the slick diamond bands reflecting off of one another. 

“I’m surprised that she even let me in her house. I thought she was going to punch me in the face. She only let me see Hanna because Jinyoung told her to.”

“That’s what you get,” Jennie whispered as she looked at her. “For leaving us.”

“I’m sorry,” she frowned. “For everything I said, it was stupid and messed up. Your job is way more important than mine could ever be. Everything you do for our family, really is more than I could even imagine. Just don’t leave this stupid girl, please.”

She ducked her head to press her face against Jennie’s stomach and the older girl rolled her eyes as she pushed at her shoulder. 

“What about your shoot, though?”

“I called and told him that I couldn’t make it. My wife just had a baby and she needed help and if I got on that plane and went to Japan, I might not come back to a family.”

“Good intuition,” Jennie chuckled. 

Lisa whined loudly and pushed her nose into Jennie’s stomach, the older girl squirming back into the couch.  
“Don’t even joke like that. You know I can’t afford child support, not on my salary.”

Jennie laughed loudly, punching the younger girl on her shoulder before she sat up and squeezed her thigh. “I mean it, Jennie. I’m sorry, I really am, about everything. And if you let me I will change things, I won’t be gone as much anymore.”

She felt the top of Lisa’s head, the strands as they ran between her fingers and curled at the ends. When she stroked her hair again, Lisa shifted closer to bury her face in her neck and wrap her arms around her waist. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against her skin.

“I know.”

 

\---

**One Month Later**

Lisa adjusted the noise canceling headphones on Hanna’s head, looking down as the seventh-month-old kicked her legs in the baby carrier strapped to Lisa’s chest. Her Mickey Mouse pacifier was clipped to the collar of her dress, having fallen off one too many times before Jennie told her to just buy one so she couldn’t drop it whenever she spit it out. 

There were girls walking around everywhere backstage, models of all shapes and sizes and ranging from different skin colors as Lisa stood mostly in the background, leaning against a rack of clothing that had various different lengths and colors of robes. 

She had met a few of the models, mostly because they kept coming up to her to coo at Hanna, pinching her cheek or tickling her feet until she smiled at them or laughed, causing the entire charade to start all over again. Most of the women knew Lisa by now, having worked with Jennie in the past and met her wife but others didn’t and would spend a few minutes chatting with Lisa and asking to take a picture with their daughter because she, _‘looks just like Jennie!’_

Honestly, Lisa was more surprised by the fact that Hanna had rarely fussed all night. After three bottle feeds, a quick change in the bathroom, and two naps in between, she was happily watching everything around her. 

When Jennie emerged from behind two other models, Lisa choked, almost dropping her phone as she tried to catch her breath and the older girl smiled widely at her. She was fitted in a lavender bra, with lace stitching that resembled roses on the front and a mesh material around the top. The thong she was wearing was the same shade as her bra, with lace across the side as the sheer robe that she was wearing hung off her shoulders. The material had faux lavender fur lining the outside and Lisa sunk her teeth into her bottom lip as she did a quick spin in front of her. 

This girl was _really_ trying to kill her.

“Jesus Christ...” she breathed. The robe is so tiny that it barely reaches the top of her thighs and Lisa doesn't even realize that she's staring, too busy admiring the warm tan of her skin, the soft curls in her hair, and the flat expanse of her stomach as if she didn't just have a baby months ago. 

When she got close enough, Jennie bent down to kiss Hanna’s cheek, the seventh-month old screeching in excitement around her pacifier.

“You get to keep some of the pieces, right? Please tell me you do,” Lisa whined. The older girl straightened up, pushing her hair over her shoulder as she smiled slyly. 

"You didn't check your phone?"

"What?"

"Your phone," Jennie murmured, jutting her chin towards Lisa's iPhone. "I sent you a little something."

Lisa's face burned red as she scrambled to open her phone, getting her passcode wrong twice before she pulled up her messages and tapped on Jennie's name. In a series of shots, she had sent over ten different photos in lingerie sets. They were in varying shades and with different cut-outs with the last one being a one-piece black corset body suit. She was leaning against the wall with her hip jutted out but the top was see-through, so you could see _everything_. 

Lisa's eyes widened and she unconsciously yelped, startling Hanna, who kicked her legs and gaining the attention of a few of the models that were standing by talking. 

"What's your problem?" Jennie laughed leaning over to punch her on the arm. 

"What do you mean, 'what's my problem', _What's your problem?!"_

Lisa flashed her the last photo on her phone quickly before turning it back around and holding it to her chest. "Tell Rihanna if you can loan a few of these...for...research purposes," she coughed. 

"Research purposes?" she chuckled, raising one eyebrow. "What am I researching?"

"Our stamina if you bring some of this stuff home."

Jennie threw her head back, using one of her hands to cover her mouth as she laughed loudly. It took her a little bit to calm down, careful to dab her eyes so she wouldn't ruin the makeup, and only then did she giggle as Lisa stared at her intently. 

"I'll see what I can do," she murmured. 

Hanna wrapped her fist around one of Jennie’s fingers, gaining her attention as she spits her pacifier out, the yellow thing smacking against the carrier as she made noises up at Jennie. 

"I think she's trying to tell you, _'listen to mommy'_. Isn't that right, love?"

"Oh really? Are you sure she isn't saying, _'mommy is being a panicked gay'_?

"Jennie!"


End file.
